It may take time but once you do, life opens up!
“Isn’t it interesting when you realize your parents are just people?”
I was in my twenties when I found out my dad had an affair early in the marriage. I didn’t need the added fuel to the fire because my views of my father were already tainted through some of his actions over the years. I was finally coming to terms with the type of person he was when I got that news. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good man, but, like most, has many flaws I’ve had to accept. Some flaws, I am still trying to accept.
Then it made sense
Ever since my friend said, “isn’t it interesting when you realize your parents are just people?” I started to see both my parents differently. I began to consider what attributes I wished to take on, and those I didn’t. My parents, too, are navigating through life still figuring things out even though I thought they had it all together. They, too, are living day by day learning and hopefully growing from their mistakes and experiences.
It took time for me to separate my father’s roles between being a father and being a husband.
I try to love my dad for who he is and forgive him for who he isn’t.
-Higgins from Ted Lasso
Understanding what “boxes” people fulfill in your life
I came to the conclusion that my parents weren’t required to fulfill all my boxes. Although I’ve never had issues with my mother, I was able to see how her roles, as mother and wife, differed and what I needed to learn from. My mom truly is someone I can talk to about anything and everything but she doesn’t need to be the one I go to for business related advice and questions. She shouldn’t be expected to fill all the things I need based off what I am learning and who I am becoming.
I have certain friends (and family) I go to for certain things because they fulfill that part of me but they don’t have to check every single box. Just like you don’t have to be everything to everyone.
Learning and growing
By not trying to be everything to everyone a new world begins. I understand you should be happy with yourself before pouring into others but you’re allowed to monitor what is being poured onto you from others.
I continue to take what I saw growing up as a learning experience and apply it where I see fit and discover what is necessary to implement in my own relationships with family and friends. I am far from perfect but at the end of the day be aware of the actions you learned from others and continue to think of how to learn and grow to keep moving forward.
Accept those for who they are and who they are not.
All you can do is take into consideration and implement what you feel is best.
Don’t try to be everything for everyone or even be everything for your spouse.
Continue to learn and grow.